STICKY : Boom Boom Mk2 (The laughs continue)

[Anon E Mouse]

This morning I was told to leave my job as an Accountant which I've done since 2015, and I don’t know why...

That was a waste of 9 years of my life!

[Anon E Mouse]

I went to the best ever burger van ever today ....

It was so good, it had 4 Michelin tyres.

[Anon E Mouse]

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a splint out of matchsticks...

His little face lit up when he tried to walk!

[Anon E Mouse]

My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad. But don’t worry...

I’ll return.

[Fuggletim]

I get that! My other half comes from the Philippines and when I last did my famous rendition of Douglas McArthur leaving the country after the Japanese invasion in WW2, she also told me to leave.

I said I shall come back……

[Anon E Mouse]

Billy has 5 albums by Morrissey and he buys 2 more, what does Billy have?

Depression, Billy has depression

[Anon E Mouse]

My wife told me to stop acting like a Flamingo, so at that point I had to put my foot down.

[Fuggletim]

A slice of Hovis and a slice of Kingsmill got married the other day. All went ok until it came to toast the happy couple……

[Anon E Mouse]

Hired this Polish girl to hoover my living room but she took over 3 hours, turns out she was a slovak

[Fuggletim]

I dropped a few hints to my other half that I would like an “Apple” product for my birthday. To be fair, I did end up enjoying that can of Strongbow….

[Anon E Mouse]

Lollipop Lady
Now there's a job that makes me cross.

[Anon E Mouse]

I dreamt last night of drowning in an ocean of fizzy orange soda.
Took me a while to work out it was just a fanta sea.

[Shots1954]

I saw my Doctor this morning and told him I'm worried about my Alzheimers.

He told me to go home and forget about it..........

[Shots1954]

A man tells his psychiatrist: "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm Tom Jones. Is this normal?"
Psychiatrist: "Well, it's not unusual..."

[Shots1954]

*****Joke Time*****
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied...
"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..I just lost it.
"CASE DISMISSED!!"