STICKY : Boom Boom Mk2 (The laughs continue)

[Fuggletim]

I was at a music festival and one of the bands were so bad, they started doing requests. When they asked me what I would like them to play next, I told them “Snakes and Ladders please!”

[beechcroft]

Two Cowboys were told for evey Indian scalp ,they will be paid 10 Dollars. after going nearly all day without any luck, they come across one Indian obviously lost, and take his scalp, They settle down for the nite in their Tent, one of them gets up to stretch out when he sees 1000 Indians armed to the teeth in the distance... ' wake up Jake he says.. wake up' ! wer'e going to be millionaires !!!

[Fuggletim]

Won my first cage fight today! The budgie was hopeless.

[WTF]

Breaking News!

The FA have turned down a multi million pound advertising offer from a dog food company.

An FA spokesman said "Having the Winalot logo on the shirts is just unrealistic and simply taking the piss...."

[Fuggletim]

I entered the World Kleptomania Championship” and took the bronze, silver and gold medals………

[Chalkie]

So three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the picnic site is ten miles away so; it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer.
'Ok Roy give me the bottle opener' 'I didn't bring it' says Roy ' I thought you packed it' Mick gets worried, He turns to Andy, 'Did you bring the bottle opener'
Naturally Andy didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and Andy beg Roy to go back for it.
But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.
So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and shouts
'I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT GOING!'

[Fuggletim]

After much consideration, myself and my other half decided we didn’t want to have children.

They seemed a bit upset when we left them at the station….

[Anon E Mouse]

I thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to go to a Monkee's concert in Switzerland.

Then I saw her face, now I'm in Geneva!

[Richard Petty]

I thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to go to a Monkee's concert in Switzerland.

Then I saw her face, now I'm in Geneva!

That is so terrible yet actually very funny

[beechcroft]

Wife in hospital in a coma, consultant say's to husband, 'we have just completed a 2 year study, and think we have come up with a solution that could wake up your wife after 6 months in this coma, All you have to do is give oraL sex and she will snap out of the coma straight away ' Ok say's husband,ill give it a try, ' so he goes into the room and 5 minutes later comes out and say's ' but doc. she keeps choking !!

[Fuggletim]

I saw Michael J Fox and Christopher Lloyd in Badshot Lea Garden Centre today! At least I think it was them, but their backs were to the fuchsias……..

[Anon E Mouse]

I had lunch at a Mary Poppins theme restaurant today…

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious..

[Anon E Mouse]

I saw Michael J Fox and Christopher Lloyd in Badshot Lea Garden Centre today! At least I think it was them, but their backs were to the fuchsias……..

[Richard Petty]

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "

[Fuggletim]

I have often wondered where the inventor of the drawing board went back to after they realised the design had gone wrong?